I cant lie anymore.
I cant keep on telling myself that at any moment you're going to wake up and feel the way I do.
That secretly you need me on some level. That you have something with me you've never had with anyone else. Something deeper than your touch, or your kiss.
Something deeper than you poetry filled with your extensive vocabulary.
Something deeper than your disgust with me.
Something deeper than what i can see.
I cant keep telling myself that I did love you, because what we had wasn't love. What we had were only heated moments. But I refuse to believe that we were never more than that. I can trace you back a year to long conversations on the phone,
notes scribbled in class,
movies watched only holding hands.
But i abjure letting myself feel inferior because of you.
I wont dwell on my hurt feelings, and I wont say that I'm not hurt. I may have stopped caring, but I haven't stopped feeling. I will let myself feel the loss of a person I though I once knew,
of the person I confided in the most,
of the person who changed who i am...
...I said I was done lying....
