I'll Sing Myself Home

In the past two years, it seems that I've had my heart broken one too many times. By ones that are just a given. By ones I let walk in and tear it to pieces. And by ones that were just dancing around its stings and got tangled and tripped.  And I’m supposed to learn something from it every time, so I’m told. But sometimes I just feel like letting it be. Not all things that are broken are meant to be fixed? I mean, I’m not going to be able to just walk away from the hurt, or forget who broke into my chest and played around with how I feel.
                

You might see your damage as less than what you “prevented” but in all honesty, yours is worse. There is a reason I kept it all tucked away, why it hides behind locked bars of bone.  You, we, have the same blood running through it. We are the singular most connected people to each other, but if you ask me, we are the singular most disconnected people from each other.

Apologies sing like hymns that are recited without meaning. They don’t run conscious, they run pretentious. 

My strength runs from the broken pieces of me that leak all over.

Sometimes I think my soul is in the wrong place.

So please do excuse me if my words run sideways, and my thoughts are a little too narrow, because I’ve been down this road before. Your words like constellations in the sky disappear with the light, and I’m tired of living in the dark.

I’ll be waiting by the lake where soft whispers like lullabies can sing me home. 

take the fall

We always crawled over broken fences

Always sat on broken benches

It never had the best view,

 But it didn't matter when I was with you.

Bright blue days with our start lit gaze

We survived on our best days.

Our laughter lost in the trees

Our feelings brought us to our knees

It was easier to take the fall

Then to feel nothing at all

The fear of losing everything,

Just as things begin.

We were building on broken ground,

Wishing to be safe and sound,

But we would have settled on together.

Our memories tie us to places

They have yet to find

Yet our minds define us

Far too confined to be

Forever

We had  been down this road before

Chasing cars, wanting more

Whispered dreams and coped out scenes

Of our future together.

It was easier to take the fall

Then to feel nothing at all

The fear of losing everything,

Just as things begin.

We were building on broken ground,

Wishing to be safe and sound,

But we would have settled on together

 Our love was undermined and undefined, it made sense

Why it was so hard to find the truth

But we both knew…

It was easier to take the fall

Then to feel nothing at all

The fear of losing everything,

Just as things begin.

We were building on broken ground,

Wishing to be safe and sound,

But we would have settled on together

Somewhere along the way

We lost track of time and started to fade away.

In case you care I still think it would be …

Easier to take the fall

Then feel nothing at all

The fear of losing everything just as things begin

We could build on broken ground

And hope we could be safe and sound

I would still settle for together.

Scary

Its Scary
       when you find that the only thing you held onto,
             the only bit of ground you've been standing on,
                finally falls.
     

         and you have the whole way down
             to watch your world falling
                slower than you are.
       
                    you hit reality on your way down.

      and you get these few second of clarity
          before you hit a piece of your past
                that makes everything fuzzy.

Its Scary
       how fast you can find something,
            and then lose it.

       and how sometimes you find somthing
           that wasn't there at all.

      and how sometimes you find something,
         and swear its nothing, and you
             let it go.

Its Scary
    being left with nothing in the end.

     you're falling with nothing.
           and you're not sure where you'll land
               because the only ground you thought you knew
                    fell apart.

Beginning

tonight i know it all has to being with the end

we'll start again


from the beginning where it doesn't hold us,
 and it hasn't molded us into something we're not.


our story's twisted, wrinkled,
 flipped, and folded
 its hard to hold our mistakes on the paper.
 so lest just let it spill of the pages, back to the ages they belong.

We'll start again

from the beginning where it doesn't hold us,
 and it hasn't molded us into something we're not.

Bicycles and Icicles

Bicycles and icicles remind me of you.


Cold winter nights
                     feel warm,
              just with the thought of
                            You.

You send my mind
                round and round,
   while you peddle to find solid ground.

Bicycles and icicles don't go well together,
                                          neither do you or me.


But that wont keep me from thinking of you.

I Speak Of

I speak not of peaches, chapstick, sunrises or fallen nights.
(K)nights fought over love never found.

A(r)mor rusted over from her tears,
He always like to jump through puddles, watching the wake.

sometimes it woke his fears.




Monsters under the bed.
If only he could cross the room he’d be

      safe (-ly

    locked away,

he lost the keys to

the him he used to be.)

I speak not of burning trees or cherry seeds ( planted down the lane)

I've surrendered to the (k)night
but with one last thought,
I know I can win the fight.

Kindly crafted consciousness  collides.
With a sudden surprise, 
She smiles

Have I Gone?

its easy to see where ive been.
i leave trails of crooked prints.

the dust i kick up take the form of the lost hope.
it hangs in the air waiting for me to come back.

my long lost cries that shattered the air are left as pieces,
they disgues them self as petals that gave into the wind.

quite eyes can see me running.

its easy to see where im going.

Piano

Black and white,

Only at first sight.





I play carefully,
fingers gliding
  all ways cautious not to strike the wrong note.


Small steps change everything.
Small steps make everything.


You didn't come with a map to follow,
a melody that would sing me home.


So, I follow my heart.
I follow what you whisper to me, 
the gentle hush.



Tension tugs with the tight twist of my fingers.

You ease me back, untangling my tight thoughts.

Time is always changing because we both know its 
nothing
and 
Everything
all the same.


I play by ear, full of fear that i'll forget our song.


Without you,
Im silent.
Without me,
you are just black and white.

The Path

I waited for him that Fall. I stood right where he left me waiting for him to come back.
    The path pulled the leaves over it, preparing for the cold winter. I tried to remember what it looked like, your foot prints next to mine. 
                               Spring came... you didn't.
     I waited as long as I could, wishing, hoping, praying that the words you whispered, that had long ago blown away in the wind had gotten caught in the trees. That the rain might bring them back to me.
     I held my breath every time a bird sung, not wanting to miss its song in case it was the one you sang to me.
     At nigh I laid under the stars watching them, the only witnesses . I wanted them to shine your name, point me in your direction, just replay me what they saw if that's all I could have .
     I touched the tree you first kissed me under, placing my hands, my fingers where yours were the last time you kissed me.
     I waited well into summer hoping that you just couldn't find the path, that new flowers and grass had grown over it , that the dry river we walked had filled...
             only to find the leaves changing again, the path covering, everything turning cold.

Between

                                                   (photography by: Amy Andress)

Silent screams echo in the silence.
    Broken wings have forgotten how to fly.
         I’ve lost myself somewhere between your blue eyes and the ocean, 
                                            are they not the same?

Between

Silent screams echo in the silence.
                         Broken wings have forgotten how to fly.
                                          I’ve lost myself somewhere between your blue eyes and the ocean, 
                                                                                                                              are they not the same?

I'll Love You For Always

Nights stretched as long as I could make them,
I'd flip the pages.
Words we could could read without seeing, 
we memorized the many truths.
Crooked notes hung on soft voices,
you'd sing me to sleep.

Dare

Wondrous worry wisps through you wavy hair.
                          


                                                                             Enter your thoughts?
                                                      




                                                                                                                                  I do not dare.

Esperanza

Espero que me esperes.
Quedo esperando para ti,
Mi esperaza.

Fogged

Forgiveness has fogged my fright.
Oh, 
how you must delight.

Cotton Tree

It took one breath,      
Soft and warm on the late summer day.
Lazy, in no rush to get anywhere fast.
Caught in the cotton trees,
it carried them.
Layering the dry dirt, it rained His wishes,
Drifting off of his whisper.
They got caught on your eye lashes,
Kissed by our lips.
We were His wish.